Monday, January 28, 2013

I think my eyes might be broken

For some reason, I wrote up this post awhile back and never got around to publishing it, mostly because I thought it was really unfunny. Then I had Silas and I've posted a lot of not necessarily funny things, so now I guess it's a great time to post this. That's right! Two posts in one hour! Hold on to your britches, everyone!


I was at the local CVS the other day, picking up a mundane prescription (fun fact: if you have mitral valve prolaspe, you have to take antibiotics before dental work!) and while I waited for the prescription to be filled, I paged through a couple of magazines. I realized quickly that my eyes are broken.

For those of you who haven't looked at a woman's fashion magazine in awhile (or ever! It's ok - I understand), these kind of magazines always have a section devoted to finding whatever article of clothing is in season for "your shape." So the magazine I happened to be looking at had a "best summer wedding dress for your shape," but others will have things such as best bikini, best shorts, best jacket, best dress, etc. Cosmo did one on your best jeans. I provided the link so that you can test your eyes if you wish.

If you're playing along at home, you might see that your eyes, too, are probably broken. Because when they show one model wearing pants for "hourglass," I swear on the graves of my ancestors that she looks the exact same as the model who is "pear-shaped." I question that any of those models make it out of the "slender" category. Then Cosmo devotes a few slides to jeans for "plus-size." Because APPARENTLY all plus size women look alike and can easily find their perfect jeans from three choices and it's all of the thin, model-like women who have such differing curves (check out the "boyish-figure" model. Does she really look that different from "pear-shaped"?) that they have to have dozens of slides devoted to their half-inch differences.

Hm. I was hoping that would come out with a lot more humor, but the truth of the matter is - magazines and websites are really bad at actually helping people buy clothes that work best for their bodies. I mean, that's the point of the industry, I guess. To make people feel bad that they don't look like air-brushed pictures.

We don't have cable any more, but when we did, I was a fan of the TLC show "What Not To Wear," mainly because the hosts, Stacy and Clinton, showed how to dress beautifully no matter your shape or size.

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