Well, this is it. I'm back at school, and it feels odd. I'm confident I will study hard and do well in my classes, but I only have three this semester. If I didn't have baby Silas to take care of, I'd feel like I was a slacker! I've never take so few credit hours - I definitely always felt I did better with at least 15. But the nature of the game is that I have five classes I need as pre-reqs, and two of those classes have to be taken after I pass two of the classes I'm taking this semester.
In the meantime, I'm already loving the extra time I spend with Silas. It's no secret I wished I could be a stay at home mom, but I think that this might be even better; I'm studying to get a great job where I could work part time and still contribute decently to our family income and I can spend more time at home with Silas and our future child(ren).
One thing I noticed already is that I feel calmer. Before, week nights were horrible. I believe I wrote about how I would get home, feed the baby and let out the dogs, clean the bottles and let them dry so I could fill them with my pumped milk and then clean those bottles so I could use them while pumping at work the next day. Between trying to get some quality time in with Silas, making dinner and preparing my lunch for the next day, I felt like I was caught in some sort of rodent-wheel.
And I won't lie - I was happy if I got a shower in every third day. Gross, right? But even then, a shower was a hurried event that cut into my already crappy sleep and I barely found it to be worth it except that I wanted people who saw me to assume that I was at least somewhat getting by. I will say I don't know how people do it. I know that all mothers are different, and that some women are energized by work, but not me.
Do I still get stressed out when Silas seems to cry for no reason at all? Or when he spits up all over me? Of course! But I am just so much happier now. I feel like I can breathe again and it's a wonderful feeling. I hadn't realized how sad and desperate I had felt until now. And yes, things will get tougher once I actually start nursing classes but in the meantime I am thankful for every minute I get with Silas. After all, gosh darn it, he's only going to be a baby once!