Monday, January 14, 2013

Still Loving Life!

I'm not sure how well blogging next to a sleeping baby will work out. Silas seems to start and fidget a lot when I first start typing. Once I get going, he's ok. But if I pause to think about what I might want to write next, he jumps again. That is not conducive to a happy baby!

But as my second week of classes starts, I'm still in quite a good mood overall. I think it's important to include overall, because last night I had one of those "I want to punch everything" moments. I'm still working on Silas sleeping in the crib at nights. Last night, I felt pretty good about the crib transition. I had done our small bedtime routine and put Silas in the crib. He had started fussing hardcore, thrashing his arms and legs, breaking the first two swaddles I tried. But on the third time I got his arms wrapped up nice and comfy to his body, and instantly, he was out.

So he went down in the crib and slept there for, I'll be honest, I don't remember. I think it was about two hours. All I know is that later that night, at about three, he woke up again next to me in bed, and when his fussing turned into crying, I fed him.

As I lay there, I began to feel incredibly overheated. I kicked off the light blanket I had over my legs, but I still felt warm and annoyed. I felt bad, because I wanted to pull Silas away from me to cool down, but I waited a few minutes until he seemed to have stopped eating. I pulled him away and decided tonight was as good as any to try to return him to the crib.

You might be able to guess what happened next - he didn't want to go back to sleep in his crib. Or, I guess, back to sleep in general. So I held him on my shoulder, trying to soothe him back to sleep. I bounced him lightly in my arms as I walked up and down the room. Twenty minutes of this provided no sleeping baby, so I checked to see if he was still hungry. He ate for awhile, and fell asleep in my arms.

Again, I tried to put him down in the crib and again he cried. I still felt oppressively warm, although the thermometer in our room stated it was only 71 degrees. I also felt aggressively aware of all of the light in our room. Since we moved our computers into our room, there are all sorts of little LED lights that I barely notice as I'm falling asleep. But when I'm woken up by a crying baby in the middle of what seems to be a heat flash? Oh, I was ready to sledgehammer everything in our room.

Smiley woke up during all of this, and asked why I wasn't just letting Silas sleep with us so he'd go back to sleep and I tried to explain that I felt like my skin was crawling from heat. I should mention he was wrapped up in our comforter, and Silas's skin was cool to the touch except for where he was pressed up against me. But Smiley did have to go to work tomorrow, so in the interest of a happy family, I hopped back up onto the bed with Silas.

Silas promptly went back to sleep and I lay there in the dark. I wanted to use my phone, but I knew the glare of the screen would wake Silas back up, so I closed my eyes and tried to think of nothing. Of course, I could only think of how warm I felt. After an hour and a half of this, Silas woke up yet again.

I keep thinking during the days when Silas wants to eat every two hours, that he's trying to regulate my milk supply to produce more milk during the daytime hours so that he can sleep longer at night. (Babies are surprisingly great at knowing how much food they eat in a twenty four hour period and will wake up during the night accordingly if they miss out on ounces during the day) But then I think that Silas says "eff sleep. I could just grow instead" and continues to want to eat every two hours at night too.

I mean, I'm not even that upset about it. I'm kind of thrilled that I've been able to be his sole source of nutrition. It's like everything fell into place and my body is doing what it should to provide for my baby, and that gives me a sense of accomplishment.

So yes, last night was rough but well within a manageable level. Taking care of a baby full time is a lot like labor. There are moments that are just overwhelmingly stressful and tough, like a contraction, and then in between everything is fine. And the end result is I get to be around a loving and adorable baby!

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