Well, it's Tuesday evening and I'm posting, so that means that I have not died going back to work. Surprisingly to me, I haven't cried once, not even when I left him for the first time since he had been born. Then again, I guess it's not that surprising. I knew I had to do this and so I did it. But I do feel odd when Silas is not around. It feels like a part of me is missing.
I think one of the reasons I hate going back to work is the time involved in preparing Silas to be watched by someone else. If I'm watching him, then I can just feed him whenever, no worries. Now, I have to pump at work and hope I get enough milk for his bottles for the next day. I have to clean bottles so he can drink from them. I have to prepare outfits and blankets in advance. I have to leave twenty minutes earlier than normal and I get home twenty minutes later. That's forty minutes of my day gone, solely so that I can go sit at a desk away from Silas.
Still, we're going one day at a time. Wednesday is Smiley's day off, so I will have my forty minutes back tomorrow as I can just leave Silas at home. I think that in order to get into a habit of preparing bottles at night for the next day, I will prepare some bottles for Smiley to give to Silas tomorrow.
Oh and it's really hard to get up for work. I tried going to bed earlier last week, but have found that regardless of the time - 7:30, 8, 8:30 or 9... no matter when I get into bed, Silas will stay awake until between 10-11 and then he will go to sleep. So I'm going to have to perhaps nap right when I get home from work. Except that Silas wants to nurse then. And again, an hour later. And again, an hour later. I might just spend all Saturday in bed at this rate to try to catch up on sleep.
In fact, I'm almost positive right now that I am rambling worse than I have in some time, and it's only Tuesday. I might be screwed.