Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Look, I'm going to tell you how not to spin your semi-legal business

Do I really need the legal disclaimer here? I am not a lawyer, folks, and if you try to use my advice as legal advice, I'll be flattered but will not be held accountable for it. OK? We all good?

In Florida, we have mutant internet cafes. I don't know how else to say this. You know how there are these places were you go and pay for internet time and then drink Bawls and play WoW? Yeah, that's exactly what these places are not. Florida has mutated internet cafes into barely legal gambling establishments. How do they defend what they are doing?

The owners say that they are "simply" providing a sweepstakes in addition to the internet time that they sell.

Ok, stop right there. Whenever you say something is "simply" doing anything, it just reeks of semi-legal crap. Why can't you just say you provide sweepstakes? It's still an outright lie, but at least you're taking charge instead of hiding behind adverbs.

Likewise, I recently read an article about what I guess is a problem in New York where people go to a tobacco shop and buy loose tobacco and then use the provided cigarette rolling machines to get around paying the taxes on a box of cigarettes.

When explaining their business to the newspaper, the owners stated that they are "simply" providing a place for consumers to roll their own cigarettes with the loose tobacco they purchased.


Am I the only person annoyed by this use of the word "simply?" It's simply infuriating.

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